Vladimir Putin Will Fuck You Up!

You see what I have been saying all these years, Obama?  It is ALWAYS the god-damned Chechens.

Ahahaha, this totally reminds of the time when I sicked that pack of ravenous dogs on that god-damned Chechen terrorist. Which one?! Fuck am I supposed to remember which one? I’ve sicked so many packs of ravenous dogs on people you can’t expect me to remember specifics!

When you are the Boss of Russia you don’t get to see as many boobies as people might think. I mean, look at Angela Merkel there, in her bright green suit jacket. I have to spend all day talking to frumpy women like her, and nobody wants to see her boobies!. Okay, I kind of do.

Here is a picture of me and the late great Hugo Chavez enjoying a laugh (probably at the expense of America). I apologize for not commemorating your passing sooner, Hugo, but I have been too distraught since your death to do much of anything. You were a strongman after my own heart. I have no doubt you are right now organizing the angels in Heaven to overthrow God. At least, I know that’s what I would be doing.

Look, I am not saying I shot the fucking meteor out of the sky. All I am saying is that I just happened to be hunting in Siberia when the meteor entered Russian airspace. And that I shot the fucking meteor out of the sky.

Let it be known that I have decided to cancel the crime co-operation agreement between Russia and the United States. Instead, I will personally fight crime by walking the streets of Moscow and punching criminals in the face.

Yes, yes. Congratulations, President Obama, on the inauguration of your second, and final, term. Big deal. Come and talk to me when they inaugurate you as President-for-life.

Here I am being embraced by legendary actor Gerard Depardieu after he accepted my offer of Russian citizenship as well as all the borsht he could eat and all the vodka he could drink. But, now that I’ve seen how fucking big he his, I think I’m going to take that last part back.

I hope you have been good little boys and girls this year. Oh, you have been good, have you? That’s not what my informants have been telling me! Ahahaha, I am just kidding. I like to kid. Best wishes for a happy holidays. Love, The Boss.

Hello, President Obama? I just wanted to say congratulations on winning re-election. And that I still hate your guts.